I have recently been watching Mike Flanagan’s new adaptation of Carrie, and some of its themes have, surprisingly, resonated with me more deeply than I anticipated. I have watched previous versions of Carrie before, but watching this recent adaptation made me realise that a story can sometimes stay with us for reasons we don’t immediately expect because throughout the show, I kept being more and more surprised by how Carrie’s experience was very similar to mine growing up.
It got me thinking about what it means to grow up with very little autonomy, to navigate environments that feel unfamiliar or unsafe, and to find small pockets of freedom wherever we can. For some children, including myself, school can feel like an escape from home, a place that offers a glimpse of a different world and a breathing space, but that does not necessarily mean school feels safe either. Bullying, isolation and difficult experiences can make it another place to navigate and find a way through, so it can be particularly difficult when neither home nor the outside world feels entirely safe.
I was particularly struck by the idea of finding refuge in books, imagination and solitude. These can become more than just things we enjoy as they can offer a sense of freedom, comfort and possibility when we have very little control over other parts of our lives, basically offering a place to escape to, even if only for a little while.
Looking back at my own childhood, I think reading and studying, as much as I genuinely enjoyed them, may also have served as a form of escapism. They gave me somewhere to turn to when other parts of life felt more difficult to navigate. With time, greater self-awareness and therapy, I have come to understand this part of myself differently. I still absolutely love reading and studying, but my relationship with them has changed, for example, they no longer feel like something I need to retreat into to cope with any difficult circumstances. Instead, they are things I can enjoy for what they are, such as sources of curiousity, fulfilment and pleasure.
I do believe that there is something meaningful about recognising that a coping strategy can evolve over time such as, something that once offered us a sense of safety or helped us get through difficult experiences (trauma responses/survival resources/coping strategies) can remain part of who we are, without needing to serve the same purpose it once did. I do explore this a lot with my clients in my work e.g. an important part of healing is not necessarily letting go of the things that helped us cope, but finding the freedom to relate to them differently.
Another thing that stood out to me in the show was the fear that can come with speaking up as a child. When a child already has very little freedom or independence, telling a parent about difficulties they are experiencing outside the home may not feel straightforward. They might worry that speaking up will lead to even more restrictions, punishment or other forms of negative consequences , rather than the support they are actually in need of. This can leave them carrying difficult experiences on their own, without feeling able to turn to the very people they might otherwise look to for help, which can often make things so much more complicated.
Looking back at my own childhood, I recognise how closely fear and isolation existed alongside one another, and it has made me reflect on how difficult it can be for a child to reach out when the possibility of doing so does not necessarily feel safe. It is a reminder that we don’t always know what sits behind a child’s silence, withdrawal or reluctance to share what they are going through. Sometimes, what looks like avoidance from the outside makes a lot more sense when we understand what that child is trying to navigate, and what they might be afraid of.
I think this is one of the reasons it is so important to approach children’s experiences with curiousity rather than assumptions, as not every child feels able to speak openly about what is happening to them, even when they need support, and sometimes, the very things that help them cope can go unnoticed by the people around them.
So me watching Carrie again just reminded me of how stories can bring these experiences into focus in ways we might not expect and they can make us think about the things we don’t always see, the experiences we might overlook and the reasons someone might respond to the world in the way they do.
As I often do, I would love to end this blog with a little reflection for you to take away, so I am wondering for those of you who have experienced difficult childhoods, if you feel called to (it is only an invitation, so only engage with it, if this feels right for you), it may be worth gently reflecting on the things that helped you find comfort, safety or a sense of freedom, and whether your relationship with those things has changed over time.
For those working with children and young people, perhaps we can ask ourselves, what might this child’s behaviour be helping them cope with and what are they trying to communicate through their behaviour.
Obviously, there is no need to have all the answers, but just having the willingness to look a little deeper is a meaningful place to start and I do believe doing this with compassionate curiousity about what might lie underneath can make all the difference.
~ Sharmi
©Sharmi under Stepping Stones Psychology – Integrated Mental Health & Specialist Trauma Therapy Services ® ~ All Rights Reserved 2026
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