I often get asked what trauma is. How one can identify trauma, and most importantly, how one can distinguish trauma from just difficult or stressful life events. My answer is always that there is not one single and simple answer. Even different clinicians and trauma therapists before me, like Gabor Maté and Babette Rothschild, have almost opposing views, when it comes to what is defined as trauma.
For example, according to Babette Rothschild, trauma is limited to what could have killed us. An actual threat. Not perceived threats. According to Rothschild, pretty much everything else, are stressful, difficult events that are part of living life. They are not traumas. She believes that the term “trauma” is increasingly over-used, especially in association with what is a normal part of life’s challenges. Instead, she argues that the term is for situations that may involve actual or threatened death or serious injury.
Whereas, according to Maté, trauma is an experience of being emotionally wounded rather than strictly stemming from an extreme event or a major catastrophe. He is not referring to a specific event as such. It does not have to be an actual threat. Instead, trauma is referred to all events, where one’s body felt threatened, and this includes perceived threats. He argues that any situation that leaves us feeling emotionally overwhelmed and alone can be traumatic, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. According to him, it is not the objective facts that determine whether an event is traumatic. Instead, it is how we feel about it inside, emotionally and within our body. The more overwhelming psychological distressed, helpless and scared we feel, the more likely we are to be traumatised. These include, but are not limited to, feeling helpless, withdrawn, dissociated, numb or frozen and hyperaroused.
For example, imagine a child, who had emotionally unavailable parents. That child’s life is not in danger, where he is going to be killed. However, if he is experiencing a high level of chronic stress and anxiety, as a result of the emotional neglect, he is not going to feel safe within his body. This is also likely to have a negative impact on how he then sees himself, the world and how he relates to others.
For instance, imagine a child whose main attachment figure (for example, his mum) is not present, available and/or also not emotionally available. She doesn’t make him feel important, valued, special, cared about etc… Not just as a one-off, but several times every day, and not just one day, but nearly every day for the rest of his life when living with his Mum. Will that boy feel he is good enough, deep down at the core, on an unconscious level, when his own mum is treating him this way? What message would that give him? How will this translate in terms of what beliefs, he would develop about himself? How would this then make him think about others in relation to him? Even more so, what if that child is now a man? What would happen when it comes to the people, he is forming an attachment with now in his adult life, such as his partner or children? When we get triggered in the present moment (for example, an issue between him and his partner, or children), it is rarely to do with the situation, that is happening in the moment. Instead, the situation reminds our body of when it used to feel all those difficult, uncomfortable and big emotions in the past. That is exactly what covert triggers are.
Although, I do not agree with all of Maté’s views and all aspects of his work, I do agree that trauma is held in our body, and that it is not limited to dark and extreme events. In my view, even though Rothschild’s description of trauma only includes life threatening events, we all have the ability to experience significant traumas that can impact our daily lives. To that end, I fully believe that we should include these events into the vocabulary of trauma, so that we can work to better understand how these impactful events can affect us and find ways to navigate recovery. It offers a humanistic and compassionate path to validate and acknowledge what have happened to us. Instead of dismissing or minimising them. I do believe, this is one of the first steps towards post-traumatic healing, growth and recovery.
I hope this helps you to reflect on and make sense of the definition of trauma, and what it means to you.
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