This post by Positive Memes/ Wholesome Dads came through my newsfeed last night and it made me pause and reflect on something deeply personal, but also something I see often in therapy rooms, which is the impact of affection, touch and emotional safety across generations.

I grew up in an environment where physical affection was limited and often uncomfortable. Like many people raised by parents carrying unresolved trauma, love was present in some ways, but warmth and tenderness did not always feel easily accessible. As a child, I remember longing for the kind of affection I saw other children receive so naturally.

As a result of some of the messages and experiences I grew up around, physical affection, especially from men, did not always feel safe or familiar to me. It took time, healing and corrective experiences to slowly change that.

One of the unexpected gifts of parenthood has been witnessing how cycles can shift without perfection, simply through awareness, intention and love. My son has always been incredibly affectionate, tactile and very generous with hugs and cuddles, the complete opposite of what I grew up around. At first, even playful physical closeness with him felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable to me, but over time, something softened and slowly started to change.

Now, our family and friends joke that he will become a dad one day who will probably overwhelm his future children with so many hugs and cuddles that they will be running away from him!

There is something incredibly healing about realising that generational patterns do not have to end where they began. Sometimes healing does not only happen in therapy rooms, but it happens quietly in safe relationships, playful moments and the experiences that teach our nervous systems that we are safe here now right in this moment, that we are no longer in the past.

I know that many trauma survivors are estranged from their biological families and may experience profound feelings of isolation and loneliness. At the same time, I also know that family is not limited to just biological ties, instead many find love, support and belonging within their chosen family and close friendships. So like I said earlier, healing can happen in many different ways, through parenting, friendships, therapy, romantic relationships, community or simply through the slow experience of being treated with more kindness and support than we once knew.

No matter what your life looks like now, please know our nervous systems are capable of learning that safety, love, affection and connection can exist without fear. I think it is also important to remember that sometimes the most powerful healing happens not in one big moment, but in the repeated small moments that quietly teach us that we deserved to be treated with compassion, care and respect all along.

What experiences of love, affection or connection did you long for growing up, and in what ways are you now learning to give those things to yourself or others differently?

©Sharmi under Stepping Stones Psychology – Integrated Mental Health & Specialist Trauma Therapy Services ® ~ All Rights Reserved 2026