Have you ever found yourself reacting to your child in a way you didn’t expect, and then wondered, why on earth did I react like that?
Maybe you knew exactly how you wanted to respond and might even have thought carefully about what you would do differently, and yet, when the moment came, you felt overwhelmed or triggered. You may have been unable to stay calm and reacted before you had time to think.
Afterwards, you might have felt guilty, ashamed or frustrated with yourself while perhaps wondering why you seem to find certain parts of parenting harder than other people do. If you have a history of trauma, you are certainly not alone in this.
When your history comes with you into parenthood
Parenting can bring up experiences, emotions and responses that we may not have expected. Our own histories can influence how we experience several aspects of parenting such as:
- Closeness
- Conflict
- Boundaries
- Rejection
- Crying
- Anger
- Dependence
- Separation
Often our nervous system can respond to a parenting situation before we have even had a chance to consciously think about what is happening, so you may know, intellectually, how you would like to respond to your child, but find that in the moment your body seems to respond in a completely different way.
This does not mean that you are a bad parent or that you don’t love your child, but there are often understandable reasons why our bodies and nervous systems respond in the ways they do.
Sometimes we can understand those reasons intellectually, but that understanding doesn’t automatically mean we can respond differently when we are overwhelmed. This is why trauma-informed parenting work is not simply about learning what you should do and instead need to also focus on understanding what is happening underneath your reactions, developing greater awareness of your own nervous system and experiences, and gradually finding different ways of responding.
The hardest part can be feeling alone in all that
One of the things I see so often in trauma work is how isolating it can be. Perhaps you grew up without the close, nurturing family or secure support network that other people seem to have, or maybe you just learned early that you had to manage things yourself. So you may have become very good at coping independently because there was not anyone safe or available to turn to when things were difficult.
Then you become a parent and that sense of having to manage everything alone can become even more complicated. You may end up carrying shame about how you react with your child, worry that other people would judge you if they knew what was really happening inside. For some people, it can be about keeping difficult experiences, thoughts or feelings private because they feel too painful, too complicated or too difficult to explain.
From the outside, this could look as though you are managing, while inside, you might be carrying fear, shame, overwhelm, disconnection and maybe a constant sense that you are somehow getting parenting wrong. What we know for certain is that shame thrives in isolation.
So why group therapy?
You might actually wonder why you would join a group when you could talk to a friend or have 1-1 therapy. The truth is, each offers something valuable such as friends can provide connection, reassurance, love and support, whereas 1-1 therapy offers a private, individual space where you can explore your experiences with a therapist and receive personalised support.
Group therapy doesn’t replace those things, but it offers something different. It gives you the opportunity not just to talk about healing, but to experience something different in relationship with other people, and when you have a history of trauma, this can be particularly meaningful.
The reason is that you will most likely get to hear another parent describe something you have never been able to put into words yourself and you may recognise yourself in somebody else’s experience. This can then lead to you realising that a reaction you have carried shame about is something another person understands. It can help you finding out that the thoughts, feelings or protective responses you believed made you different are not actually as unusual as you thought.
What I have witnessed running these groups before is that people move into the healing belief that they are not the only one going through this and they are not on their own with. There is a profound difference between being told that you’re not alone and actually experiencing that you are not alone.
Being seen without being judged
In a safe, supportive and professionally facilitated group, you have the opportunity to experience being seen, heard and understood without judgment.
You don’t have to have exactly the same story as everyone else and the other parents won’t necessarily have experienced what you have experienced, but they may understand something about what it is like to carry a history of trauma into parenthood.
Through the compassion and understanding within the group, you may also begin to develop greater compassion for yourself, including for the younger parts of you that learned to survive difficult experiences.
What if groups feel scary?
If you have experienced trauma, the idea of joining a group may actually feel quite scary. You might worry about what you will be expected to share and might wonder whether other people will understand you, whether you will be judged, or whether hearing about other people’s experiences will feel overwhelming.
I was someone who absolutely hated doing anything in a group and would feel very exposed. I was definitely one of those people who would think to myself that there is absolutely no way I could do group therapy.
So if you feel anxious about joining, please know that’s okay and that I understand. You don’t need to be someone who naturally enjoys groups or need to be confident speaking in front of other people and you don’t need to arrive knowing exactly what you want to talk about.
A trauma-informed therapeutic group should make space for your boundaries, your pace and your individual needs. This means you will never be expected to share more than feels comfortable, and participating in a group does not mean having to tell your whole story. You can just listen if that is what feels most comfortable for you and you can take your time by contribute more when/if you are ready.
The first step is simply being curious about what it might be like to experience a different kind of relationship with other people.
Why relationships matter in trauma healing
Trauma often happens in relationship and our early relationships help shape what we learn about safety, connection, trust, boundaries and ourselves. So when those relationships have been frightening, unpredictable, unsafe or lacking in the care we needed, those experiences can continue to influence the way we relate to ourselves and others long after the original experiences have ended.
This is one reason why healing cannot always happen through understanding things on your own and how relationship can also be part of the healing. Within a safe and appropriately contained therapeutic group, you have opportunities to experience connection differently.
You can practise being in relationship while also learning to recognise and respect your own needs and boundaries. These may sound like small experiences, but repeated experiences of safety, connection and being understood can begin to offer your nervous system something different from what it may have learned in the past.
That is why I believe that the group is not simply a place where you come to learn information but the relationship itself is part of the work. The therapeutic process doesn’t come only from the therapist/facilitator, but can also happen through the relationships that develop within the group. You are literally learning about yourself while also experiencing yourself in connection with others, which then over time, can help replace some of the isolation and shame with connection, understanding, self-compassion and a growing sense that you don’t have to carry everything alone.
Therapy and practical tools together
For me, therapeutic group work is about having a space to talk, but as long as emotional safety and connection are incredibly important, I also want the groups I facilitate to give you practical things that you can take into everyday life.
Alongside the therapeutic work, we will explore evidence-informed strategies to help you understand and regulate your nervous system, navigate overwhelming emotions, recognise your own needs and boundaries, and respond to life’s challenges with greater confidence.
The aim isn’t to become a perfectly calm parent who never gets triggered but about developing greater understanding, compassion and choice. Instead it is about beginning to notice what is happening inside you, rather than automatically responding from old protective patterns and about developing the capacity to repair, reconnect and respond differently when things don’t go the way you hoped.
Why I created these programmes
There is a personal reason why this work matters so much to me. I am not only a therapist who works with trauma and attachment; I am also a parent with my own history of trauma, including PTSD and CPTSD, alongside other related challenges.
When I was a young mum to my son, I often felt incredibly lost and alone in my parenting journey. There were times when I reacted in ways I didn’t want to, particularly during difficult or overwhelming parenting moments. Afterwards, I would often feel enormous shame and question myself as a parent and I genuinely believed that something was fundamentally wrong with me.
I did not have the understanding, support or language that I have now, so I did not understand in the same way how my own history, trauma responses, attachment experiences and nervous system could affect the way I experienced parenting.
I know what it is like to look around and believe that everyone else seems to know what they are doing while you are somehow getting it wrong. I know what it is like to love your child deeply while also struggling with your own responses, and how painful it can be to believe that those struggles say something fundamental about who you are as a parent, particularly when you are trying so hard to protect the person you love most.
Thankfully, my story did not end there. Over the years, I have learned, healed, reflected and developed a much deeper understanding of myself and the ways my experiences have shaped me.
My son is now 21, and we have a really good relationship. Like any relationship, ours has included its own journey of repair and understanding. That experience has reinforced for me that relationships are not defined by the moments when things go wrong, and that repair and reconnection can remain possible even when difficulties have been significant. This is especially important to remember in terms of post-traumatic healing and recovery, as they are not linear. There can be progress, setbacks, new challenges and times when old patterns or responses can come back. For me, that understanding has become an important part of both my personal journey and the way I approach this work with others.
For me, healing has not meant that difficult experiences or responses have simply disappeared; it has meant developing greater awareness, compassion and choice, and being able to approach myself and my relationships differently when difficulties arise.
I share this not because I believe my own experience makes me an expert in anyone else’s story, because it simply doesn’t. Every parent, every family and every experience is different. My lived experience means that I understand something personally about the shame, fear, isolation and self-doubt that can accompany parenting when you are carrying a history of trauma.
Alongside that lived experience, I bring over 20 years of professional experience. My work has focused particularly on trauma and attachment, and over the years I have worked with parents through therapeutic parenting sessions, as well as providing trauma- and attachment-informed family therapy. I have also been designing and delivering therapeutic group programmes for the past six years.
So the support I offer isn’t based solely on my own story. It brings together lived experience, professional knowledge, clinical experience and ongoing learning. I want to offer parents some of the support, understanding and compassion that I wish had been available to me when I was a young mum. I want parents to have somewhere they can explore what is happening without being reduced to their reactions; a place where they can understand themselves rather than simply criticise themselves; and, where appropriate, a place where they can experience being alongside other people who understand something about what it means to carry a history of trauma into parenthood.
There are three new offers I have recently been working on:
1. Free 30+ page interactive booklet
If you are just beginning to explore the connection between your own history and your parenting, my free 30+ page interactive booklet is a gentle place to start.
It gives you space to learn, reflect and begin making sense of some of the ways trauma can show up in parenting.
You can work through it at your own pace, without needing to commit to a programme or group. Please see below the link for this:
Parenting-with-Trauma-FREE-PDF.pdf
2. The 21-Day Trauma-Informed Parenting Reset
If you would like more structured support but prefer to work independently, my 21-Day Trauma-Informed Parenting Resetis a gentle, self-paced programme for parents with a history of trauma.
The Reset helps you understand what may be happening underneath your reactions, explore how your own experiences can affect your parenting, and begin developing different ways of responding.
You will receive short, pre-recorded sessions of around 15–20 minutes, with the option to listen as audio if that feels more comfortable or accessible. Each session includes practical tools and reflective exercises.
Although the sessions are pre-recorded, I have designed them to feel personal and connecting, as though we’re having a conversation about what you’re experiencing. My hope is that you feel accompanied and supported while working privately, at your own pace and around the realities of family life.
Please follow this link should you wish to join the 21-Days programme: 21-Day Trauma-Informed Parenting Reset Programme – Stepping Stones Psychology
3. The Trauma-Informed Parent™ Programme: 8-Week Therapeutic Group Programme
If you are ready to explore this work more deeply in relationship with others, The Trauma-Informed Parent™ Programme is an 8-week trauma-informed and attachment-focused therapeutic group (group therapy) created and facilitated by me.
You will be alongside other parents who are also exploring how their own histories may show up in their parenting. Their experiences won’t be exactly the same as yours, but you may recognise something of yourself in what they share, perhaps putting words to experiences you’ve struggled to explain or discovering that reactions you’ve carried shame about are more understandable and common than you thought.
The group isn’t simply a place to learn information. The relationships themselves are part of the therapeutic work, offering opportunities to experience connection, safety and being understood while also learning to recognise and respect your own needs and boundaries.
I run this group in two formats: One online via Zoom, for those who don’t live locally or who prefer to join this way for personal reasons. This means you can join from anywhere in the world. The other is an in-person group, held from my base in Sheffield.
Please contact me via email if you are interested in joining the 8-weeks group therapy.
Which option is right for you?
There isn’t one right way to begin, so I will say go with what feels right for you at this moment. It is important you start at your own pace.
- Free booklet: A gentle place to start if you want to learn more and explore the connection between your own history and parenting.
- 21-Day Reset: A more structured option if you’d prefer to work privately and at your own pace.
- The Trauma-Informed Parent™ Programme: An 8-week therapeutic group for parents who are ready to explore their experiences more deeply alongside others.
I think it is so important that you know that you don’t need to be at breaking point, have everything figured out or prove that your experiences were bad enough to deserve support. If you are just imply wondering whether your history is affecting the way you parent or that you want to respond differently, but don’t know how, this can all be a great starting point.
You can start wherever feels manageable for you, with a booklet, a structured programme or deeper therapeutic support. I also offer both ad-hoc and blocks of Therapeutic Parenting sessions.
If you’re unsure which option is right for you, please feel free to get in touch at contact@steppingstonespsychology.com. I would be happy to answer your questions and help you consider what type of support might be most appropriate for where you are right now.
~ Sharmi
©Sharmi under Stepping Stones Psychology – Integrated Mental Health & Specialist Trauma Therapy Services ® ~ All Rights Reserved 2026
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Support group for parents living with trauma/CPTSD
